nutella sex= disaster
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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