Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize