i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
