I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
