ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
