I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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