I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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