I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
