As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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