I'm drive I can fine osifer
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
