my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
