I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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