I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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