dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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