Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
