I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
