she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
