I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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