Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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