Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
