We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
