we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
