i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
