Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
