Your dad touched me again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
