if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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