I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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