im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
