I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize