This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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