guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
