There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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