Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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