Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
