I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
