I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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