I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
