i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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