i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
