On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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