The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Randomize
