WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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