you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
