my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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