I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
