i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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