I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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