I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
