I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
