I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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