Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize