Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
