If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
