I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
