I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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