I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
