do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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