OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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