I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
