Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
