My room smells like vodka and shame
I am in a vortex of obligation.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
