I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
