i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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