You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
