for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
