We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
