I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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