I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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