i was born a porn star she said
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
